The Mystery that is Me
by Phoebsfan
Summary: Agent Scully is already in love. Well that’s news to her. Journey inside the head of Agent Scully as she questions Padgett in this post-ep for Milagro.


Date: 8/23/2001

Date: 8/23/2001

Category: I don't know pick one yourself. Probably just Mulder/Scully friendship.Should be safe for all.Not shippy if you wanted a romance this won't be your cup of tea. In fact it won't be in the same universe as your cup of tea.I don't know just got sick of all the mushy mulder/scully will you marry me's and the I love you more then life itself's.

Rating: Oh funness, how bout PG for implied swearing. Yes I did say implied. No I will not write the whole swear word because I will not debase my writing like that. Hehehe

Archive: Sure if you want to spread my work like wild fire you can just keep this attached and email me letting me know where you are sending my little seed of a story so I can watch it blossom.[phoebs_fan2001@yahoo.com][1]

Disclaimer: You know the drill. No I am not Chris Carter in disguise therefore I do not own them if you thought that I was or that I did you need to get your head examined. So I had a really witty and clever line for here but it flew out of my psychotic brain.

Summery: Agent Scully is already in love. Well that's news to her.Journey inside the head of Agent Scully as she questions Padgett in this post-ep for Milagro.

Authors Notes: Yeah you knew I couldn't shut up. Truthfully I write because I like hearing myself talk.Anyway I always wanted to do a post-ep for Milagro because everyone is always turning it into a deep oh-my-gosh-I-love-Mulder moment, which even though I am clearly more of a shipper, I do not believe that moment was.So just my thoughts and feelings on the ep. Yeah I'm obsessed and yeah I probably over analyzed the whole thing but if you're still reading go ahead and continue with the story.

Feedback: [phoebs_fan2001@yahoo.com][1] I live on the stuff. It is water to my soul and keeps me alive in this desert of electronics…(? I don't know either.)Also be brutal, I hate it when people laugh at my work cause it sux and don't tell me.Tell me so I can laugh with you.I like a good laugh even at my own expense. So all of you still reading who after you are finished either a) enjoyed it immensely…yeah right you must be nuts b) found it profusely uncharacteristic, boring, lame, any other negative word you would like to substitute or c) just want to meet the mind behind the work …feel free to contact me lines are open twenty four hours with operators standing by call now don't delay this once in a lifetime opportunity.

Now without further delay…BTW Scully's pov…

The Mystery that is Me

_Agent Scully is already in love._ Brilliant. It really was. Who would have thought that I of all people would not know that?Now I can't see what about him had given me such a thrill.Maybe it was the attention he had paid me. I don't know but his stupid crackpot words not only embarrassed me but let me wondering what the h___ he was talking about.

I wanted at that moment to turn and ask him with who.But I knew I couldn't with Mulder standing there it would only lead to further embarrassment because I knew what Padgett would say.

He'd say with Mulder.

Not that any of it would be true. Yeah sure I loved Mulder but not in any other way then as a friend.People just couldn't seem to grasp that concept.Colleagues, family, friends, every last one of them made snide 'knowing' comments.Sometimes it aggravated me beyond belief, others it was easier to ignore or explain away.I thought about making us matching T-shirts reading, _No I am not in Love with my partner_.Or wearing a dumb sign saying we are just friends.I don't know it just really irked me that our suspect was the one making the mistake this time.

Well that and the fact that I had actually considered starting something with him.

Brain check…. yes it is still there although I think it might be malfunctioning.Starting something with Padgett would have been worse then starting something with Mulder and I can see that now. **B**ut at the time I couldn't and that really bugged me.

Was I really so out of touch with myself that I was willing to as Mulder put it 'do the naked pretzel' with him? I am now willing to concede that yes if Mulder hadn't broken in I might have pulled another Ed Jerse.

I don't know what is worse, the fact that it was our suspect or that I had been so out of tune with myself.

I guess now that it is a week later and I am sitting at home with nothing to do, I can finally analyze the situation.I wouldn't have even remembered it had Mulder left it where it hung.But no that wasn't characteristic.In some evil maniacal way I think he wanted me to pay for my silence after he found me on his floor. We hadn't talked about the issue and we probably wouldn't until if festered some more.

Now instead of being the partner I wanted he has decided to be extra sweet and only mention it once a day, with flippant remarks like, "Skinner's looking mighty fine today don't you think Scully?" or "So when do I get to meet this true love of yours?" I was growing weary of his existence. I think I even told him to go get himself abducted once.But he answered with some comment along the lines of, "I've tried they don't want me, can you blame them?"Honestly right then I couldn't.

I decided to log on to the Internet and try a chat room.I felt like being anonymous and yelling my problems at someone.I don't usually frequent chat rooms but I was in an unusual mood so I found one that I thought I could stomach and entered under the screen name of Red;).

Red;) has entered the room.

Maggs: hi Red.

TRUTHX: hey. So Mag you think I'm nuts 2?

Red;): hey back, why would you be nuts?

This is not what I needed. I didn't want to be counseling someone else.I wanted them to council me. I pondered logging off but waited to hear the answer.

Maggs: no, reminds me of my daughter actually.

TRUTHX: oh…why's that? Sorry Red be with you in a minute.

I decided to sit back and listen maybe I could learn a thing or two from these two people, I was really rather curious to find out what they were talking about.

Maggs: well she is just in a similar situation that's all.

TRUTHX: oh.Maybe I should give her a call and we can compare notes.

Maggs: not likely, she doesn't share well with others.

TRUTHX: lol

Maggs: what?

TRUTHX: that seems to be the problem with everyone.

Maggs: true, but my advice would be to talk about it because it will only get harder to as time goes by.

TRUTHX: thanx, will do.So Red what brings you to this lovely room.

I wanted more info but clearly that wasn't going to happen so I decided not to push it.

Red;): Bored, frustrated, don't know.

I decided honest was a good approach.

TRUTHX: well tell us. I promise not to tell anyone. hehehe.

Maggs: me 2

Here goes nothing.

Red;): Well I work closely with a man who happens to be my best friend and last week I found out I had a secret admirer who happened to be a killer in a paranormal sort of way.

Maggs: *nudges TRUTH* sounds like your kinda girl. jk continue. 

Red;): To make a long story short he almost killed me and I almost fell for him. My partner and I haven't spoken about the incident and its really bugging me.

TRUTHX: oh is that all.

Maggs: u 2 and death.

TRUTHX: what she means is that we both have jobs that bring us close to death obviously. is that all the story?

Well no hiding anything from them. 

Red;): You got me. No it isn't. Anyway our killer happened to mention that he was wrong about me, that I already loved someone.Now my partner keeps bugging me about it. 

Maggs: This sounds awful familiar.

Red;): See the thing is everyone thinks that we aren't just friends, that our relationship is more then platonic.But on my part at least it isn't.I mean yeah sure I've thought about it when you work with someone as long as I have in the kind of work I'm in you can't help but want to settle down sometimes, have a normal life and occasionally he has been in these fantasy's but not like that.

Maggs: Sounds like your trying to convince yourself.

Red;): I wish. I want sometimes for things to be different between us.I still haven't met that Prince yet and sometimes I get lonely.But it would be too easy to run to him, it wouldn't be love it would be something else.Something fake and artificial just used to protect us both from the overwhelming loneliness.

Maggs: u sure you don't have feelings for him?

Red;): I love him but not like that…. wow I feel stupid.You guys don't need to hear my problems.

TRUTHX: no it's ok. we can compare notes.

Maggs: I was wondering what you two do?

I didn't know if I should tell them. I didn't want it to get too personal.But Maggs was insistent.

Maggs: well

TRUTHX: if I told you I'd have to kill you.

Red;): you're probably some car insurance salesman and the only death you see is 

caused by heart attacks when you read them their bills.

TRUTHX: quite a quick mouth you've got there. well mystery woman what do you do?

Red;): I work for the government actually.

If Mulder were here he'd be running or laughing. 

TRUTHX: well G-woman I must be leaving now.

Red;): You sound like my partner.Don't worry I didn't come to spy on you.

TRUTHX: *looks around suspiciously* who said anything about spying.

Red;): Well I spilled its your turn.

Maggs: yeah what do you do?

TRUTHX: fine fine you win. I give up how can I resist 2 sexy women.

Maggs: oh I don't know but keep up the flattery and you might succeed

Red;): sorry flattery doesn't work on me.

TRUTHX: ok fine I also work for the government.

I had the sinking feeling that I shouldn't have opened my mouth. I could just see Mulder sitting on his laptop chatting.The screen name the paranoia the problem he was having with what I now assumed was his partner, me, it was all adding up.

Maggs: well it got quiet.

Red;): quiet can be good.

TRUTHX: not when something important needs to be said. just look at you and 

your partner.

Maggs: you can't talk mr.

TRUTHX: why am I banned from speaking?

Maggs: you are in the same situation. and you know it.

TRUTHX: true.

I had to know.

Red;): The truth is out there you just have to know where to look for it.

TRUTHX: ok that is it. Scully?

S___ I was right. I hate it when I'm right sometimes.

Red;): guilty.

Maggs: Dana? Fox? I knew it.

Red;): Mom?!

TRUTHX: mrs. Scully?!

Whoever said chat rooms were anonymous should be shot. 

Red;): I've got to go.

TRUTHX: no don't. we need to talk.

Yeah we did but did I want to. Not particularly.Sure I was up for it online earlier but now that the possibility appeared I'd rather let it fester.

Maggs: Dana, Fox is right. You two talk. I've got to go anyway.Call me.

Maggs has left the room

Great now I was alone with him.

Red;): Mulder I'm tired.

TRUTHX: nope not working sorry. We are going to talk about this if I have to go over to your place and drag it out of you.

Red;): See you in half an hour. I'll order I pizza or something.

Red;) has left the room

I logged off regretting logging on and picked up the phone to order that pizza. Well at least he wanted to talk about it too.Maybe Padgett was right about one thing.I was in love.Not with the man but with the friendship and the person he could be.

I guess I was in love with the possibilities.

   [1]: mailto:phoebs_fan2001@yahoo.com



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